Law vs. Nature

A sketch, performed by Ajani Crosley, Sean Casey, and Dillon Bak. Written by Ajani Crosley and inspired by the Law vs. Nature argument in one of Platos dialogues, Gorgias; in which, Protagoras argues that Law opposes Nature so that the powerful and the weak can stand on equal ground - or more level ground.

Dillon, AJ, and Sean are wealthy graduates of the University of Notre Dame who were in the same Philosophy Seminar their Freshman year. Dillon meets AJ and Sean by chance at a Starbucks.

Dillon. Hey guys, is that you?
AJ and Sean stop and stare
Dillon. HEY, I haven’t seen you since Notre Dame!
AJ. Oh my god, it’s you isn’t it? Weren’t you in our philo class??
Sean. *points to AJ and then Sean* Karbowski’s, right?
AJ. Karbowski?
Dillon. Karbowski!
Sean. *realizing* Karbowski!!
Dillon. *overexaggerated* We Gangsters!!
-All laughing-

AJ. How are you doing? You must be on top of the world by now.
Sean. Yes; I heard you bought the moon.
Dillon. I did.
AJ. The taxes must’ve been ridiculous
Dillon. *sadly* They were
Sean. Really?
Dillon. Yep. I plan to turn a profit once I copyright the tides
AJ. The tides?
Sean. The tides!
AJ. *skeptical* Of course...

Dillon. For some reason, the law is not siding with me. It’s turning into quite a battle.
AJ. I wonder why that is!
Dillon. I don’t know.
Sean. AJ, tell Dillon all about what you’ve been up to.
Dillon. Do tell!
AJ. Well, I’ve been skating through the ranks at Google for a few years. Once I got the top, I convinced most of the board to buy up companies like YouTube. We’re actually in the process of purchasing a large part of Silicon Valley, among other things.
Dillon. Sounds like you’ve been doing very well for yourself.
AJ. *sadly* But then there’s the taxes.
Dillon. Oh?
Sean. Yes; do you know how much YouTube costs before and after taxes?
Dillon. I wouldn’t
AJ. A lot

Dillon. Is that so?
AJ. But that’s nothing compared to what it costs to maintain Sean’s car collection.
Sean. Don’t even get me started!
Dillon. You have a collection? What for?
Sean. I don’t understand the question.
AJ. In any case, it’s not enough that one gets killed by shipping & handling, but then there’s-
Sean. Taxes!
AJ. –taxes.
Dillon. It can’t be that bad.
AJ and Sean look at Dillon
Sean. It is.
AJ. Imagine buying something at the 99 cent store when taxes are 6 cents on the dollar.
Sean. All you need is a dollar and a nickel.
AJ. Things are going great for a while, you stop by after work and pick up a bumper sticker for your kid one day, a candy bar the next, each for Dillon.05.
Sean. Wait for it
AJ. Now, imagine taxes are raised to 7 cents on the dollar. NOW you have to find that Dillon cent thing. A penny, I think it’s called.
Dillon. What? That’s outrageous!
AJ. Mhmm; now scale that up to about Dillon00 thousand dollars, 99 times, and you’ve got a garage-full of 99 problems.

Dillon. Ya know; there’s something about the law that tries to keep us well-off people down.
AJ. I don’t like it.
Sean. Neither do I.
Dillon. It’s like, as we get to a point in our lives where we can finally get comfortable enough to enjoy the things that we want-
Sean. We get taxed!
Dillon. *points to Sean* -we get taxed.
AJ. It’s not just any tax; It’s LUXURY TAX.
Sean. Seriously!
AJ. I mean, what is this? Monopoly?
Dillon. People used to look up to us and admire our drive
Sean. And our self-control
AJ. People used to respect us
Dillon. It’s only natural
AJ. They probably still do; it’s just that there are so many rules and laws that are holding us back.
Dillon. It’s almost as if there are more rules and laws that restrict us as we grow in power, fame, fortune, or whatever you wanna call it.
AJ. Sucks to suck, I always say.
Sean. PREACH

Dillon. Oh I actually have to go guys; I’m waiting on a call from the office about this new deal that I’m really pushing for.
Sean. Really?
AJ. What about?
Dillon. We’re buying Bing.